Even Angels Fall
by BohemianCane04
Summary: Rentfic. Someone special from our favorite dog killing drag queen's past returns. My very 1st fic. Review & boost my floundering self esteem. UPDATED! Angel's funeral. Lily learns to let go. This is the last chapter.
1. Into the Night

**_Disclaimer: Angel & Collins aren't mine, duh; Angel just lives in my head. They belong to John Larson.  All other characters were made up by me _**

                                                **Chapter One: Into the Night**

Lillian Dumott paced across her spacious bedroom. She glanced at the clock. 11:55. Five minutes and her internet friends would pull up. Then she'd run. For the tenth time, she tested the security of the rope she'd made from her bed sheets. Good. 

To keep her hands and her mind occupied, she scribbled an entry in her journal. She didn't have time to finish it because her phone rang. She knew who it was.

"Yeah?" she breathed.

"We're ready fo' ya, Tiger Lily." The harsh voice of a man she knew only as Smack answered.

"Cool. Pull around to the side of the house. Number sixteen. I'll be at the window."

She hung up with him and threw her duffle out the window. The lawn was damp, so it didn't make as much noise hitting the ground as she had feared. She looked out the window and debated whether or not to go through with this.__

_I can't do this. I have to do this. My parents will freak. Since when have they ever given a shit about me? He might not even be there. He has to be there. I can't do this. I have to do this. I can't. I have to…_

Too late to back out now. A beat up station wagon was pulling up. Smack leaned out the driver's window.

"Come on!" he called.

"Not so loud!" she whispered.

She climbed out the window and down her ladder. Then, grabbing her bag, she sprinted across the lawn, slamming the car door behind her.

In her haste, she'd forgotten the journal lying on her bed.

"Punch it!" she shouted, and the car sped away. She felt an amazing sense of euphoria as her house shrank and finally disappeared. After four years of loneliness and being misunderstood, she was free.

"Thank you," she sighed to the man in the front seat.

"Ah, don't even worry 'bout it," Smack said. "So yo' now officially a runaway. Yo' screen name's Tiger Lily. What's yo' real name?"

"Lillian," she answered in a disgusted voice. "But everyone just calls me Tiger Lily."

"A'ight, so yo' Tiger Lily. I'm Smack, as ya know. Next to ya, that's Cookie."

Lily smiled nervously as the obviously bottle-blonde girl next to her shot up.

"Yo," she said flatly, withdrawing the needle.

"And next to me here, this is Jake."

A skinny redheaded man turned and smiled stupidly at her. He was missing his left front tooth.

"Howdy, Sugar Drop." His voice was thick with a western drawl. "This your first time in the ol' NYC?" 

"Yeah," Lily said.

"Well, let me tell ya it's somethin' to see. The skyscrapers are a sight. Ya wanna see mine?"

"Fuck you!" Lily cried.

"Exactly."

Smack slapped him roughly.

"Let the girl alone, cowboy."

"Aw, well, you'll cave eventually."

Lily flipped him off but said nothing. As uncouth as these people were, they were her ticket to independence.

"So, how old are ya?" Smack asked.

"Eighteen," she lied.

"I seen yo' crib. Why'd ya wanna leave a ritzy place like that fo' a one room apartment in the East Village?"

"No matter how ritzy it looks it's a prison flat out. I left because my parents were probably gonna throw me out when they found out about me anyway.

"Oh, don't tell me, yo' pregnant."

She shook her head and told him the truth. He nodded.

"I got ya. So why New York?"

"My best friend lives up there. I haven't seen him in four years and I'm hoping to find him."

She smiled at this thought. In truth, while he was her only friend, he was her cousin.

 _Oh, God, please let him be there. Please let me find him. Please let him understand and help me. _

"So, Lily." Smack's voice cut into her prayers. "We kinda got this rule that all boarders gotta get a job so they can help pay the rent. Think ya can find one?"

"I think so," she replied.

But she wasn't thinking about jobs. All she could think about was the reward that (hopefully) waited for her in the so called 'Big Apple'. She kept imagining the last time she saw him. 

He had been playing the drums and she had been writing a poem to go with the beat. They had been so happy, and then just like that, he was gone from her life. She'd been eleven, he sixteen. Her family had gone to his house for dinner and it had surprised her that he wasn't there. When she'd asked where he was the whole room had gotten real quiet. Then in a tight voice, his mother had announced that they had disowned their son because he was a homosexual. They didn't know that he had told Lily this over a month before. But the shock of their reaction was too much for her. Suddenly, the room had begun spinning and she was lying in a heap on the floor.

They had secretly written each other for about a year, but when Lily's parents found out, their relationship had been destroyed. Ever since then Lily had been determined never to love her family and to make them pay for tearing them apart.

_Where are you, Angel? _She thought._ Have you forgotten your Tiger Lily?_

She leaned back against the seat and savored both the memories of her friend and her new found freedom.

Lily didn't know that freedom came at a price.

                                                                  **l**

Tom Collins rolled over as he heard his lover moan. He shook him lightly.

"Angel?" he whispered. "Babe?"

But Angel was dead asleep. Again he whimpered.

"No, let me in...Lily…Tiger Lily…Let me in…No…" he mumbled.

Sleep talking was a habit of Angel's. Judging by that first remark, Collins deduced that he was dreaming about the night his parents threw him out, which was a dream he had often. But he'd been asking for this Lily for three nights now. Who was Lily? There was nothing Collins did not know about his lover but Angel had never mentioned a Lily.

Angel let out another sob and Collins gathered him up in his arms like a child.

"Come on, baby," the philosopher whispered, rocking him. "It's all right. I'm here."

Slowly, Angel stirred. He opened his eyes and looked up at his lover.

"I woke you up again," he said in a small voice. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he assured him. "You okay?"

He nodded, snuggling himself into Collins' frame. Brown arms wrapped themselves around him and the drag queen felt warm despite the lack of heat in the flat. He went back to sleep and Collins kissed him. He knew something was wrong and he desperately wanted to know what it was.

**_Love it? Hate it? TELL ME!!! I'll only update if I get reviews._**


	2. Cold and Lonely with One Nickle Only

**_Sorry this one's so short. I just want to wet your appetites. This was actually supposed to be part of the first chapter but I forgot to change the format. And an absolutely gigantic enormous and other synonyms for big, THANK YOU _****_J to everybody who reviewed. You gave me a big welcome to ff.net_**

**_Disclaimer: See note for chapter one._**

****

**Chapter Two: Cold & Lonely with one Nickel only**

Lily stood underneath a street lamp on Avenue B and thought about her predicament. She listened to the, by now, common sounds in the flat above. Things smashing, Smack roaring, and Cookie's high pitched scream as he struck her. She knew better than to go inside. That month's rent was do in two weeks and in this mood Smack would beat the shit out of her if she told him she still couldn't find a job.

_That's what I get for lying,_ she thought. _Who'd give a fifteen year old a job? _

 She looked at the purple bruise that a drunken Smack had left on her thigh when she'd told him she'd been turned down for a job at a local boutique. If she didn't find one soon he'd throw her out. Of course, that might not be as bad as staying where she was. She was becoming frightened of her 'friends'. There was frequent drug use and sex in the flat that Lily was pushed upon to join. But she was determined to stay straight no matter what. This wasn't easy considering her room mates' occupations and pastimes. Jake, she found out, was a crack dealer and heavily dependant on his product, which he pushed on her often. His continued advances towards Lily were becoming hard to bear. Cookie was a prostitute and severely strung out on heroin. She was jealous of the attention Jake was giving Lily, for she'd been his 'Sugar Drop' before her. Lily's assertion that she wanted nothing to do with Jake meant nothing to her. Lily figured she just wanted someone to beat up on. She often threatened Lily and emotionally abused her. 

"You think you're life is so bad," she had jeered once. "You're just a little yuppie scum bitch! Why'd you leave, huh, Lily? Mummy and Daddy wouldn't give you the car for the weekend? Wouldn't let you get another American Express card? Let me tell ya somethin', babe, Jake just likes ya 'cause you're young. It's me he really loves." 

She obviously had no faith in her own words. They both knew the only thing Jake really loved was sex. 

"You don't know what real pain is."

It was that remark that had made Lily blow.

"I have loved and hurt more deeply than you ever will!" she'd screamed. She had been talking about Angel. 

But it was Smack Lily feared the most. She found out he came from a long line of alcoholics and carried on the tradition, but when there wasn't enough money for liquor the powerful hustler liked to take out his frustration on her. Her eye was healing up nicely but there were a few assorted wounds that had yet to heal. He couldn't catch her often though. Most of the time, she was too fast for him.

Yet through it all, she stayed. Each time she felt regret she thought of Angel, smiling and overjoyed to see her. She had to find him. He would make it all worth it.

"Hey, V-8!" a scratchy low voice made her jump. She turned and saw a tall man in a trench coat smirking at her. She recognized him. He was another dealer who gave Cookie her fixes. Everyone just called him The Man. He called Lily V-8 because of the orange color of her hair.

"Oh, hi," she said breathlessly. "You scared me."

"What's a pretty thing like you doing out here?"

"Nothing," she said. She had learned to trust no one on these mean streets.

"You look like you could use something to cheer you up."

He held a small sack of powder out to her.

"I already told you I don't do that," she said curtly.

"You will," he assured her, putting it away. Then he said, "I heard you was looking for a job."

She nodded warily.

"Well I know this place that needs dancers. As long as you're willing to take it off, you'd be perfect."

She thought about it. Would she rather become a stripper or stay unemployed and continue being beaten? 

"Would I have to sleep with guys?" she asked.

"That's your choice. You can and, to be honest, you probably will. But that ain't part of the job."

"Are they open? Could I go now?"

"I'll take you. I gotta go there anyway."

She fallowed him into the dark alleyway and a voice inside her head told her she was sinking lower and lower. Then she thought about the real reason she was doing it and it drowned out the voice.

_Think about Angel. Whenever it gets too bad, just remember Angel._

_**************************************_

_Smack _was rolling joints when Lily burst through the door. She was relieved that he'd calmed down, although she could still hear Cookie weeping in the other room.

"I did it!" she screamed. "I got a job!"

"Stop playin'," he said. "Where?"

"A place called The Cat Scratch Club. The Man helped me get it!"

"Awesome! I got some mo' good news fo' ya." 

He pushed a phone book towards her.

"Maybe ya can find yo' friend in here."

"You're right!" 

She sat down and flipped through the book, her hopes mounting despite herself.

"Schunard…Schunard...SCHUNARD!" She screamed as she came upon the name. "ANGEL DUMOTT SCHUNARD! YES!!!"

She didn't know what to do. Her heart was racing. Suddenly, she got up and did a back flip across the tiny room. 

"Whoa," Smack laughed. "Easy there, Tiger Lily. How 'bout skippin' the gymnastics and callin' the guy."

She ran to the phone and dialed the number. A low baritone answered on the outgoing message.

"Hi, you've obviously reached Collins and Angel. We can't come to the phone at the moment but if you leave your name and number we'll get back to you."

She left a lengthy message, forcing herself to sound calm.

"I found him!" she cried after she hung up. "I can't believe I found him!"

Everything is finally going my way! She thought.


	3. At Last

Here you go, a nice long happy chapter for Christmas. If any of you are wondering, that's why the ending is a little choppy, because this is actually only part of a chapter, but I'll put the unhappy part next week.

**_Also, I'd like to make an announcement. Through a human connection I made recently, this fic in its entirety could possibly be forwarded to the e-mail of Jesse L. Martin (who, for my unenlightened people is the OBC Collins.) PRAY FOR ME! I'd also like to thank Liss1 for her helpful review. OK, I'm done now. Happy Holidays!_**

**_Disclaimer:_****_ Still not mine, except Lily _**

****

**Chapter Three: At Last ******

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!" Angel sang along with his small radio as he sliced apples for that night's dessert. He was excited and happy today. He and Collins were going to their friend Mimi's birthday party at The Life Cafe later. Collins crept up behind him and put his hand on his hip.

"Guess who," he whispered.

Angel pushed him away gently.

"I gotta finish this."

"What can I do to help?"

He thought.

"Could you check our messages?"  

"Absolutely."

He kissed him and strolled into the living room. There was one call.

"Hi Angel! Oh, god, this really is your number! You probably don't recognize my voice. I'll give you a hint; I'm a poet with a fondness for watermelon and the harmonica. Have you guessed? It's me, your baby cousin Tiger Lily! Yes! Big shock right? I have a surprise for you. I'm in town! That's right! I got in about three weeks ago and I just found your number in the phone book. Have you missed me? I really wanna see you. Do you realize I haven't seen you in four years? _Four years! _ You're still my best friend though. Listen; if you want to see me you can call me at my apartment, 559-9865, or on my cell, 

229-4367. _Please call, Angel._ I love you times a trillion. Byes!"

_Okay, so there's my answer, Collins thought._

"Baby," he called.

"Yeah?"

"There's a message for you. I think you should hear it."

Angel's bare feet padded into the living room. He stood behind Collins with his arms around his waist. Collins replayed the message and his jaw dropped. He repeated the phrase 'oh, my God' at least ten times and then spread his arms out wide and jumped for joy.

"My baby girl! My Tiger Lily!" he squealed. "Oh, pinch me I'm dreaming!"

Collins laughed.

"Speaking of dreaming, you must have some kind of subconscious link to this girl. She says she got in three weeks ago and you've been calling her name in your sleep for about two."

Angel stared disbelievingly at him.

"You're right, I have dreamed of her! Man, how wild is that? Oh, Collins, I can't wait for you to meet her. She's amazing!"

"You didn't tell me you had a cousin Lily. Why am I finding out now?" 

"What? Jealous that I kept a secret from you, Tomcat?" He used the pet name he'd given the philosopher.

Collins pulled him close and kissed him.

"No, but I was curious who she was when you started asking for her at night."

"Well, she and I are only a few years apart, so we were best friends growing up. She was the first person ever to find out I was gay, but even then, she never deserted me. She was devastated when my parents made me leave. Naturally, her parents went with mine. We wrote each other for a while but right before I lost my job at _Femmes Fatales_ they found out and started confiscating my letters. We haven't spoken since then." He paused. "I didn't tell anyone about her because it hurt me so much."

"Don't sweat it, Angel girl," he smiled. "Well, what the hell are you waiting for? Call her back."

Feverishly, Angel replayed the message and wrote down both numbers. He was confused about one.

"Her apartment? What does she mean by her apartment? She's only fifteen."

He dialed the home number, excitement mounting. It rang twice before a gruff voice answered.

"What?"

"Uh," said Angel unsurely, "I'm looking for Lillian Dumott."

"Who? Oh, you mean Lilly. Who this?"

"Angel."

"Oh, word. She'll be psyched to here from you. Hold on."

Angel heard him holler:

"Yo, Lily! Girl, get yo' skinny ass to the phone! Yo' friend Angel is on the line."

Then he heard her tripping and dropping things in haste. She snatched the phone from Smack and greeted him with an elated scream.

"ANGEL!!!"

"Oh, my God! Tiger Lily!! Is it really you?"

"Yes!! Oh man I can't believe this is real!"

"Me either!"

"So you got my message? Have you missed me?"

"Have I missed you?! Girl, are you nuts? Course I have."

"Are you gonna come see me?"

"Where are you? I'll come get you now."

Collins looked at him, surprised and he gave the teacher a replying glance that said, "There's nothing you can do to change my mind, so don't try."

"You will?" Lily cried. "Oh, Angel!"

"Would it totally scare you if I came in drag? Because that's what I'm wearing now, but I'll change if you want."

Lily snorted so loudly that even Collins could hear her.

"Babe, you're not talking to one of our moms here! You're talking to me! You could come in a chicken suit for all I care, just as long as I get to see you."

Lily gave him the address hurriedly. It surprised him that she wasn't living too far away.

"I'll be there in fifteen," he said. "I love you." 

He hung up and, grinning from ear to ear, turned to face Collins.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this happy," he chuckled.

 "Sure you have," breathed Angel. "I felt like this the day I met you."

"What about tonight?"

"Are you kidding? I'm taking her with us so I can show her off."

He kissed his cheek and ran into their room and grabbed a pair of white heels to go with his white blouse and denim skirt. He applied his makeup and put on his favorite short black wig. Then grabbed his jacket and his Collins' keys, kissed him again and ran out. Collins chuckled again as Angel waved and took his dilapidated old car speeding down the street.

*********************************

There were no mirrors in the flat, so Lily surveyed herself in the closed window. 

"Do I look okay?" She turned to Smack for a second opinion.

"Nah," snickered Cookie as she snorted up rock. "'Cause ya can still see your face, which is shit."

"I'm not the one with bad roots and C all over my face," she snapped over her shoulder.

Cookie threw one of her heels at her but she ducked and caught it. She knew they were both; toast if they broke a window. Not that she was concerned about Cookie, but she had enough bruises.

"I think ya look finger lickin' good." Jake was almost drooling with lust.

Lily made a disgusted face and donned her dark sunglasses to hide her still-healing eye. There was a knock at the door and her heart almost stopped.

"I got it," Jake said with a groan.

He got up and opened the door. 

"You're in the wrong apartment, uh, miss," he smirked. "The other faggots live down in 2C."

Lily could have kicked him for using that word, but Angel seemed unflustered.

"No, no." He didn't bother to make his voice sound girly, but she could still hear that slight womanliness that had appeared when Angel had first discovered his sexuality. "I'm looking for my cousin Lily."

Jake turned and hollered, "Door's for you, Sugar Drop!"

Cookie glared at her as she walked quickly to the door. Jake grabbed her ass and she slammed the door on his hand. His shouts were extremely gratifying. Then, she went through a mood swing as she turned to Angel. 

At first it was a little discomforted. They stared, taking each other in, for they both looked different. Then the awkwardness melted away. They both screamed with delight and embraced. Angel started to cry and Lily buried her face in his shoulder, inhaling the familiar smell of his skin. He was wearing some kind of perfume made of peaches and cinnamon. They released each other and sighed.

"It's been too damn long," Lily said at length.

"My baby. Lord above, I never would have recognized you."

It was true. Lily looked completely different. The last of her baby fat was long gone and her body was toned and shapely. He had always remembered her loving comfy leggings and T's, but now she'd traded those in for a black leather jacket, a pair of ripped up jeans, and a pair of broken in construction boots. But the thing that struck him most was her hair. He had remembered an unruly mop of brown curls. What she had now was straight and orange with black streaks. She was beautiful.

Angel too had altered greatly. Lily had seen him in cross dress from photographs he'd sent her from the _Femmes Fatales, but it still stuck her how amazingly attractive he was. She would have been completely fooled. But it was still her Angel. Same beautiful eyes, same coffee complexion, same radiant smile._

"Come on," he said. "My car's parked outside."

As they drove, Angel asked, "So when'd you turn into a biker chick?"                    

"Oh, I've been working on a new image for the last year or so. Do you like it?"

"Love it! Very fierce. And I love the dye job. You do that yourself?"

"Nah. Paid fifty to have it done. Now I really look like a tiger lily."

He laughed.

"You do. It looks great on you. I'll bet you've got all the boys after you."

She glanced at her knees.

"Not exactly," she muttered. 

Quickly she changed the subject.

"Was that your boyfriend on the machine?" she asked.

"Yep," said Angel proudly. "My Collins. I can't wait for you two to meet. I just know you'll click."

"What's he like?"

 He used to teach philosophy at NYU. He's an anarchist."

 Lily's eyes got wide.

"Really? Wow. I'll bet he's wild."

"When we get there I'll have him tell you a few stories of his adventures. He's done some pretty crazy stuff. He says he's protesting the state of the world."

Lily nodded.

"If anybody should protest anything it's the state of the world. What about you're other friends? Do you keep in touch with Amazing Grace and all the other sisters from the House O' Drag?"

"Yeah, occasionally I see them, but we've pretty much gone our separate ways. Grace stops in my store once in a while though."

"Your store?"

"Uh-huh. I run a little place a couple of blocks down from here. I design and sell clothes for drag queens."

His cousin beamed at him, gushing with pride.

"You're kidding! That's so awesome. And it's so perfect for you. You were always doodling on corners of napkins and stuff and now look at you! I'm so proud of you, Angel."

He smiled at her. This was the way he'd always wanted things to be, he and his Tiger Lily together, their relationship untouched by years or changes in themselves.

The car slowed to a stop and Angel sang, "Here we are."

They walked up the stairs still gabbing and he opened the door.

"Collins?" Angel called.

"I'm in the shower!" answered a muffled voice.

"He'll be out in a minute," he said to Lily. "In the meantime, come into the kitchen and talk with me."

Lily fallowed him. He went behind the counter and she sat down at the table, slinging her bag over the back of the chair.

"What are you making?" she asked.

"Fruit salad."

"My fave!" 

"And my friend Mimi's turning twenty today. Collins and I are going to take you to the party."

"I hope I'm not messing up any plans," Lily said.

"No! I'm taking you so I can brag. And my friends are awesome, they won't mind."

Lily smiled. There was a short silence which was broken by Collins' voice from the bedroom.

"Baby, I can't find any socks!"

"Did you try the sock drawer?" Angel called.

There was another silence, fallowed by the sound of drawers opening. Lily and Angel laughed.

"Amazing," he smiled shaking his head. "The man can rewire equipment so it blows up but he can never remember where I put his underclothes."

Collins walked down the hall humming in his sexy baritone. He stopped in the kitchen and smiled down at Lily. 

_Angel's got good taste, she thought._

Standing at about six feet, the tall black teacher was rippled with muscles. Lily stood up and outstretched her hand.

"And so you two finally meet." Angel came out from behind the counter. "The two most important people in my life set eyes on one another. Collins, this is my cousin Tiger Lily. Lily, my boyfriend Collins."

He shook her hand and flashed another brilliant smile.

"Nice to meet you."

Lily sat back down and he sat across from her.

"So I hear you're a revolutionary," she smiled as Angel put a bowl of grapes on the table. "You believe in anarchy?" 

"Only because our government is going down the toilet. What about you? Tell me a little bit about yourself."

"I'm part of the underground poetry movement," she replied.

"Oh, you're a poet! I love poetry. Ever hear anything by Todd Alcott?" 

"Actually I have. He wrote this one piece called "Television" about the ludicrously of peoples' addiction to TV."

"I've heard that one! That's the one where he's the voice of the TV…"

Instantly they were immersed in a lively discussion on both poetry and politics. Angel came and sat next to Collins. He was astounded by his cousin's wit and intelligence. He couldn't be happier. The two most important people in his life laughing and talking like old friends. Life was good. 

"Babe," he said. "Tell her about your Theory of Actual Reality."

"Oh, you'll really appreciate that," Collins told Lily.

And he began to tell her about how he got fired from his job because he rewired the virtual reality equipment to explode while a recording of his voice shouted, "Actual reality! Act up, fight AIDS!" Lily adored the tale. She screamed with laughter and applauded the philosopher.

"But I see where you're coming from with that though," she agreed. "We're living in a world where everyone's lying to everyone else, and the media's controlling our minds. Everyone's turning a blind eye to all the real issues in the world. You are so right. We're living in virtual reality."

Collins nodded avidly.

"Right, now, how old are you again?" he asked, laughing.

"I'm fifteen, but I do a lot of reading. And I've been doing some rebellion of my own."

She gestured to her hair and face.

"Yeah, doing the teenage thing," Angel agreed.

"Well, it's not meant to be a teenage rebellion. I'm just trying to figure out my life. If they would be supportive and help me out I wouldn't have to rebel."

Angel nodded.

"So obviously no one in our family's changed, eh?" he asked.

"Nope. Still big, rigid and disgustingly indulgent."

Collins glanced at his watch.

"Whoa! We should get going or we'll be late."

They grabbed their coats and got in Collins' car. When they'd driven a little ways Angel pointed to a small store called _Differences._

"That's my store," he told her. 

"Well at least I know where to go if I need a job."

"Oh, totally! I'd love to have you work with me."

They drove a little further before they stopped at The Life Café.

"Cool place," Lily remarked as they walked inside.

"Oh…" the server did not look at all pleased. "Mr. Collins, Miss Schunard, how...good to see you."

"They're here!" sang a nasal male voice and then a video camera was rushed in on them.

"Enter Collins and Angel. Now the gang's all here."

Hey, Mark." Collins locked hands with the cameraman, a man with choppy blonde hair and glasses. Angel hugged him.

"Angel!" a beautiful Spanish girl with curly hair ran and embraced first Collins, then Angel, who kissed her on both her cheeks.

"Happy Birthday, Mimi!!" he cried.

"I'm so glad you could make it."

Lily's insides trembled when she saw Mimi. She was another dancer at Cat Scratch and an ambassador in the field. She could blow Lily's whole secret to Angel. She would have to find a way to speak to Mimi alone.

"Lily, come on," Angel whispered and he led her to the table. There were a lot of greetings before Angel requested silence and said:

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make-"   

"You're gonna have a baby?" shouted a beautiful girl with brown hair and blue eyes.

"Maureen!" groaned a few people in unison.

"What?!"

"Something like that," laughed Angel. "Mimi, not to detract from your day or anything-"

"Get on with it!" Mimi cried.

Lily walked over and stood beside him. He draped his arm over her shoulders.

"Everybody, this is my cousin Tiger Lily. Lily, these are my friends."

He introduced her to all of them, gesturing to them as he did so.

"That's Mark Cohen." He pointed to the guy with the camera. "He's filming a documentary on the bohemian community. So he'll be shooting a lot tonight."

Mark zoomed in on Lily and she gave him her best model smirk.

"Ooh, very nice," he said. 

"And over there is Mimi's boyfriend Roger."

The husky blonde man smiled and picked out _Musetta's Waltz on his guitar. Lily sang the line back to him._

"I've seen_ La Boheme _nine times," she said and Roger gave her the 'rock on' sign in approval. 

Angel gestured to the woman named Maureen and a black woman beside her.

"That's Maureen and that's Joanne. Maureen helps me over at the store."

"Hi, hi!" Maureen said in a loud excited voice.

"Nice to meet you," Joanne smiled.

"You too," Lily replied.

"And finally, this is Mimi Marquez. It's her birthday."

Mimi gave Lily a friendly smile.

"Congrats," she said. 

"Thanks."

Angel and Collins sat down and ordered food. Lily sneaked over to Mimi, who went to smoke in the bar."

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hi. I was gonna ask, don't I know you?"

"Yes. I work at Cat Scratch. I signed on a few days ago."

"That's right! I saw your act last night. You're not bad for a beginner."

"Thanks. Listen, being that we're sisters in the stripping business I need to ask a favor."

"Sure, shoot."

"Could you please not say a word about me working to Angel? He doesn't know yet and I'm waiting for the right moment to tell him."

Mimi did a pantomime of zipping her lip.

"Your secret's safe with me. But you know, you are still young and our job can get people in a lot of hot water."

"I'll be all right. This job is just until I can get my singing career off the ground and I'm determined to strip and nothing more. No drugs and no sex for this girl!"

Mimi had to admire the conviction in the girl's voice. She hoped that Lily wouldn't be like her and lose sight of her goal. At twenty, she was more a whore than a stripper and this had led to her becoming HIV positive. Her job made her relationship with Roger rocky and at sixteen she had developed an addiction to cocaine. The worst of this story was that there were a thousand other young girls going through the same thing. New York was very unkind to its youth.

"Thanks so much, Mimi," Lily smiled.

"Aw, no big. I hope you accomplish everything you want to do."

She left her and sat down next to Angel. Now that she'd done that she could sit back and enjoy her evening.

"May I take your order, miss?" a waiter asked.

"A chicken salad and virgin margarita, please," she answered.

"Absolutely."

He walked away and Roger turned to her.

"So, I hear you're a writer," he said.

"Yeah, a little."

"I've never met a fifteen year old who likes opera."

"Well, I like anything that has to do with art or artists."

"So this must be like heaven for you."

"Oh, totally! And besides, heaven has angels."

She put her arm around Angel's shoulder and he kissed her.

  And so for the rest of the night Lily reveled in the warm glow of friendship. There was lots of talking and eating and laughing but the bubble was burst when a tall bald black man entered. The server shook his hand forcefully. 

"Mr. Coffin, how wonderful to see you."

"Brian." The black man returned his greeting. 

He sauntered arrogantly over to their table.

"_Bonjour, boheme,_" he smirked. And once again, Lily lost all composure.

_Does the world want me to be found out? She thought._

The man's name was Benjamin Coffin III. He had just come into money by marrying Lily's neighbor Alison Grey, therefore making him a friend of the family. Like all her parents' friends Lily thought he was an ass. He sat down very impolitely between Roger and Mark and looked at Mimi.

"Happy birthday, Mimi," he said. "Roger get you a ring? Not like he could afford one."

"What do you want, Benny," Roger asked testily.

"Do I really need to answer that? C'mon, guys, what do you think I do this for my health? I _need_ the rent for your loft."

"And I need a car," Mark snapped. "You know we haven't got a cent to our names."

Benny nodded.

"I thought as much," he groaned.

He looked around and did a massive double take as his eyes landed on Lily.

"Lillian Dumott?" He was shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"Vacationing," she answered, trying to keep the nervousness out of her voice. "And my name's Tiger Lily."

"Oh, okay, Tiger Lily," he answered, sounding as though he were humoring a small child. "You're vacationing in a bad New York neighborhood by yourself?"

"I'm here to visit my aunt."

"You're aunt?"

Lily put her hand on Angel's shoulder and smiled sweetly.

"My aunt," she said coldly.

Benny stared for a moment and then comprehension dawned in his eyes.

"Oh, I get it. Well, boys, if you don't have the rent than I'll go."

He got up and started to walk away. As he passed her he whispered:

"You're parents are out of their minds with worry." 

"You tell them where I am and I'll tear you apart."

He walked out without a backward glance.

"Asshole," she muttered.

Nevertheless, after he left everything went back to being happy. There was lots more eating and drinking and even Lily, who had sampled Angel's wine, got a little tipsy. When the server told them to leave because they couldn't pay, she handed him fifty dollars.

"Bring my friends a chocolate birthday cake with twenty candles. This should cover everything."

"Thank you, miss," he stammered and walked away.

"Cool!" cried Mark.

"Wow, Lily." Mimi was beaming.

"Aw, hell, my family sucks it's true but if ya got it ya might as well reap the rewards," she grinned, leaning back in the chair.

They sang to Mimi and then started gorging on cake. They stayed for hours until, at about one, they all left. Mimi gave Lily a hug.

"Thanks so much for the cake."

"It's for keeping my secret," she whispered. "I'll talk to you at work."

"Okay. Bye."

She walked away and the three of them got into Collins' car. Angel sat in the back seat with Lily and her head dropped onto his shoulder as she fell asleep, her dark glasses falling off.

"Oh, my God," he whispered as he looked at her swollen purple eye. He'd have to ask her what happened.

**_Coming up: Lily's secret. REVIEW AND I'LL GIVE MUFFINS!!!_**


	4. Always

**_OK all, here it is. I'd like to thank all who reviewed ::passes out muffins:: I have to give two to my friend God because she guessed Lily's secret. Oh! Big _**merci _ to MaureentheDramaQueen because of her nice e-mail. Go read "Friendship is thicker than Blood" and review. Still don't own 'em except for Lily and her parents. Happy New Year! _****

**\**

**"Always"**

****

The car slowed to a stop and he roused her. They went up the stairs and Collins staggered into the bedroom. He could not even reach the bed, but collapsed into the recliner beside it fully clothed. Lily and Angel went into the bathroom and washed of their makeup, then changed into sleep clothes. Angel let Lily borrow one of Collins' enormous T-shirts. They both climbed into the bed and he closed his eyes.

"Angel?" she whispered when she was sure Collins slept.

"Mm-hm…?" he mumbled.

"I love you."

He kissed her and opened them again.

"I'm so glad you didn't forget me."

"What! How could I forget my baby cousin? That's impossible."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, look at you. You're doing wonderfully. You're in love and you've got this bunch of really great friends. I feel like such a small part of your life now. God, your life's going so great. And mine…mine's going down the crapper."

Now Angel was worried. He'd never seen her like this before.

"Why, Lily? Why is your life going so bad?"  

Lily screwed up her slippery courage and began to tell him the truth. It was harder than she'd ever imagined. But she looked into his soft eyes and saw that it would be all right.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, where do I start? Ah, well, remember how I told you I was vacationing? Well, I kind of lied to you. I ran away from Connecticut and I'm living with a few people I met over the internet. At first they were okay but now…"

And the words erupted out of her like a volcano. She told him everything, her room mates' bad treatment, the drugs, the sex. When she'd finished, Angel was leaning on his elbow with his mouth hanging open. His mind began to play every horrible thing that could have or had happened to her. But he was determined not to get upset. She was obviously reaching out to him and if he got too worried he wouldn't be of any help.

"You did all this to find me?" he asked stupidly and she nodded.

He drew a deep breath.

"Why'd you run away, honey? Did something happen to you?"

Tears filled her eyes. She tried to tell him, but all that came out was a soft sob. He pulled her close and rocked her in his arms.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay. Just relax and tell me all about it."

"Will it make a difference between us?" her voice was terrified.

"How could anything ever make a difference?"

Her big green eyes searched his face and found only kindness and love. She gulped back her tears and whispered:

"I'm a lesbian, Angel."

To her immense relief, he nodded slowly. He nestled her closer and she inhaled that peaches-and-cinnamon scent as he buried her face in his warm soft chest. Warm tears tumbled from her stinging eyes.

"Have you told your parents?" asked Angel.

She shook her head.

"After what happened to you I felt that if I didn't want to live a lie, then I had to leave. God knows if I came to them they'd just throw me out anyway. I knew if I found you you'd understand."

Angel did understand. His family was the biggest bunch of chauvinists. If they found out their precious Lillian was a dyke their reputation would be in jeopardy. 

"And there's one last thing…" 

"What, sugar?"

"Well, my friends needed me to get a job so I could chip in for the rent. The only one I could find was…well…I'm a dancer at The Cat Scratch Club. I got the job about four days ago. I didn't want to do it, but they would have kicked me out."

Angel could hear the shame in her voice. He knew that she really felt disgusted with herself.

"The stripper job's only until I can get my own place and get settled here. I don't ever want to go back to Westport."

He looked into her eyes and saw that she wasn't fooling around. She was willing to be abused and alone as long as she didn't have to go home.

"Honey, you can't stay in the city," he sighed. "I know you're mature but you're only fifteen. You've got to go home."

"Why? Aren't you happy to have me here with you?" 

"Of course I am, but this isn't about me. I'm concerned about _you._ There are a million reasons why you can't stay. For one thing, you've got to go to school-" 

She cut him off.

"I'm gonna enroll in PS 211. It's only ten minutes from my building."

"For another thing, those people you're living with are hurting you."

He wiped a tear from her bruised face. 

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew you were being abused and I could protect you."

"It's all worth it," she assured him. "If I get to be with you then I'll be able to deal."

His mouth fell open again. He couldn't believe the devotion with which she said this. 

"My beautiful Tiger Lily," he whispered. 

"You'll still love me no matter what happens, won't you, Angel?" she asked.

It was a real question. She needed his reassurance. He planted a kiss on her face and lowered her head onto his chest.

"Yes,_ mi amore, _always. Now, you need to sleep. Things will look better in the morning."

Lily sighed contentedly. Lulled by the sound of Angel's heartbeat, sleep overtook her.

************************

"Look, I don't want your excuses, detective! My only daughter has been missing for four weeks!" Nikki Dumott screamed at the officer assigned to Lily's disappearance.

"Mrs. Dumott, please try to understand, these things take far longer than a month. You have to give us time to get more evidence."

The argument was interrupted when Mr. Dumott entered the living room. His face was pale and drawn. In his trembling hand he held a one subject notebook.

"Nikki," he whispered. "You have to read this."

He sat down on the couch and opened the book to the last entry and read aloud.

"February 1, 1997

Five minutes to liberation! Smack's gonna be here soon and then I'm gone. Fuck Westport! I'm headed for the East Village. I'm not gonna grow up a snobby yuppie scum bitch. This'll be the first day of the rest of my life."

He finished and Mrs. Dumott let out a wail.

"My baby's run away!"

Her husband put his face in his hands.

"How could this have happened? How the hell does a fifteen year old girl get to New York City by herself?"

"Okay, so we've deduced that she's gone to New York," the detective said taking out a notepad. "Any idea why she chose that particular location?"

The parents racked their brains.

"No," they both murmured after a moment.

"Did she hint at anything to either of you?"

Another "No."      

"Were there any changes in personality to suggest she was hiding something from you?"

They looked at each other.

"We didn't really speak much with her," Mrs. Dumott said. "We're very busy, you know, what with my husband's job and my social obligations. She'd always been left in the care of a nanny. But she did several very odd things to her appearance before she left."

"Such as?"

"Well, she sold away all her clothes and bought an entirely new wardrobe-"

"-Mostly black leather and denim." 

"Yes, and she started wearing a lot more makeup too."

_God, these people have really forgotten what it's like to be fifteen, the detective thought. __These are just acts of regular teenage rebellion._

"But the most recent thing was when she dyed her hair."

The officer rolled his eyes and flipped through the pages.

"Yes that's here.

January 18, 1996

I have had a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!! It happened when I went to CVS today to pick up a tube of black lipstick. So I'm walking through the store and I see this killer orange hair dye. I had this vision. Me with that as my base color with black streaks. So, what's black and orange and makes me feel good all over? Tiger lilies, duh! It's Angel's birthday next week. I think I'll dye my hair by then to remind Mom and Dad."

There was another short silence. The parents looked dumbfounded. Obviously they had found their answer in this entry.

"Do you think that's where she is?" Mr. Dumott asked. "With…him?"

"Well, last she heard he was living in the East Village, so it could be."

"You think you might know where she is then?" the detective asked.

"Possibly," the mother answered. "You see, my sister's child…that is my sister's ex-child, she disowned him a few years ago because he was-" She broke off and looked around as though someone was watching, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "-A homosexual."

She shook her head sadly. The detective fought the urge to ask, "So what?" The mother went on.

"He moved to New York City after that. Lillian was devastated. She and he had been very close. They furtively wrote each other for a while, for we had forbidden her to remain in contact with him. We were only trying to protect her you see. So when we found out, we had no choice but to confiscate the letters. We think she may have gone to see him."

"I see. So what do you intend to do?"

Just then, the phone rang, interrupting their conversation.

"Hello," the maid answered in her thick Spanish accent. Then she turned to them.

"Sir, it is Mr. Coffin. He says he must be speaking with you."

"Tell him it's not a good time, Rosa."

She complied, and then turned again.

"He says it is about Miss Lillian."

The father immediately got up and ran to the phone.

"Benjamin."

"Sam, how are you? Listen, I was in New York yesterday checking on a few tenants and I ran into your daughter."

"Oh, dear god, are you serious?"

"Yes. It seems she's staying with your…nephew? I couldn't get her to come with me but I was thinking that if you…"

"Yes, yes, of course. Listen; can you give me his address?"

"I'm going back there tomorrow. I'll take you and Nikki if you'd like."

"Yes." The father sounded on the verge of tears. "Of course. Thank you, Benjamin."

**_OK there ya go. Michelle, now you may attack Benny. In fact, I'll join you. ::pulls out spork:: Review please! ::runs off::  _**


	5. Here come the Debutantes

**_I saw the show "Wicked" today. It stars Idina Menzel. Everyone go see it because she's a goddess. I still don't own them._**

****

**Here Come the Debutantes**

Collins was half asleep on the sofa. A loud rapping at the door woke him. He shook himself awake and went to answer it. The knocking persisted.

"All right, all right, keep your pants on," he muttered.

He opened the door and there stood Benny. Behind him stood a prim looking woman in a mink coat and a tall man with salt and pepper hair.

"Uh, Benny, what's going on? And please don't say you've bought this building too."

"Yeah, I wish," he answered coolly. "Tom Collins, I'd like you to meet Samuel and Nikki Dumott. They're here for their daughter.

_Oh, boy, Collins thought. Angel had told him about the conversation between him and Lily._

"Ah, well, she's at work right now, but she should be here any minute. Would you like to stay and wait for her?"

"Thank you," the man said.

They came inside and sat gingerly on the sofa, as though afraid of infection. Benny stood leaning against the wall.

"Would you excuse me for a minute?" Collins asked and he bolted down the hall into the bedroom. Angel was standing naked in front of the mirror.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Listen; don't dress in drag. Benny's out there and he's brought Lily's parents!"

"Fuck!" he swore.

Quickly, he pulled on a long sleeve black turtleneck and a pair of jeans.

"I'm scared, Collins," he whispered.

"Don't be scared, they're just people."

The transvestite nodded, drew a deep breath and mumbled his motto to steady himself.

"No day but today."

Another deep breath and Angel followed his lover out of the bedroom and down the hall.

When his family laid eyes upon him there was an awful silence.

"Hello," Angel whispered at last.

They stared. Stared with their critical eyes. To them, he was the epitome of evil. Angel felt as though they could see to his very soul.

Thankfully he heard Lily and Mimi's voices as they ascended the stairs.

"See ya tomorrow, Tiger Lily."

"Peace, Mimi! Say hi to Roger for me."

Mrs. Dumott stood up when she heard her daughter's voice. The knob turned and the door opened. 

Lily walked in and froze. The mother ran to embrace her and she recoiled.

"My baby!"

"What the fuck do you want?" Lily spat. "How'd you find me?"

"With this."

Her father held out her journal. She mentally kicked herself. How could she have been so stupid?

"We've been so worried about you, lamb chop," he said and she winced. Why, oh, why did he have to call her that?

"Worried? About me?" She made her voice sarcastic. "That's a switch. Well, anyway, I appreciate the sudden enthusiasm in my life, but it came two minutes too late. I won't be going back home with you. I'm staying here with Angel where I belong."   

The parents looked at each other. Then the father began his plea.

"Lamb chop, I can't help but feel you're being a bit spoiled. Why are you doing this? Haven't we always given you everything you want?"

She laughed tightly.

"Okay, Dad, you don't know what the fuck I want! You don't listen to me enough to know that."        

"That's not true, Lamb Chop-" he began. But she cut him off angrily.

"Oh, come on, Dad. I haven't seen you for a whole day since I was six. God, I don't even know what you do for a living. And every time I try to express something to either of you, you laugh it off and hand me twenty dollars to deal with it."

They looked at each other again, meekly this time.

"We got you a therapist to help you through this," Mrs. Dumott whispered. "You told us you-"    

"I don't need a fukin' therapist!!" Lily screamed. "I don't need the indoor pool or the ten bedroom house or the maid or the Lexus! Wanna know what I _do_ need?"

She walked over to Angel on the other side of the room.

"I need a friend. I need someone to listen to me and help me. Angel is the only real friend I've ever had. He loves me even if you don't."

Tears welled in the mother's eyes.

"Lillian, we do love you."

"Then listen up because I have something important I have to say."

"Fine. Go on."

She looked over her shoulder at the gay couple. Angel was crying silently and could only nod, but Collins said clearly:

"Just do it, Lily."

She turned back to her parents and sighed.

"Mother, Father, I'm a lesbian," she said loudly.

It was an ugly scene. There was another one of those horrible silences. The mother's tears dried as if by magic and an angry expression took hold of her. Suddenly, before anyone could prevent it, she hauled off and slapped her daughter hard. Lily went sprawling but did not weep.

"Nikki!" Mr. Dumott cried.

But it was too late. The mother rounded on Angel.

"YOU!!" she screamed. "You did this, you disgusting queer! You've corrupted my child! A lesbian, my daughter a lesbian!"

This went on for a good three minutes. Lily still lay on the floor in a heap. Collins stood in the back of the room, unsure whether to go to his lover's aid or to let the family work it out. As for Angel, he wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

Lily couldn't believe her eyes. Here she sat watching her own mother abuse the only person she loved.

_Stop it, stop it, stop it!! Screamed a little voice inside her head. With each repetition the voice got louder and soon Lily could feel it rising out of her._

"Stop it, stop it, stop it, STOP IT!!!!" she screamed.

The mother whipped around and she got up. The fire in her eyes frightened Mrs. Dumott.

"Leave him alone!! He has nothing to do with this. This was my decision. Angel has never done anything but love me so don't you dare say a word against him!"

There was one last silence before the father said:

"All right, Lillian. Your mother and I are giving you one more day to gather your things. We will be here to get you tomorrow at eight. Come, Nikki."

Lily didn't see her parents leave, for tears blinded her. When she heard the door slam she fell to her knees and let out a loud sob. Angel walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her small frame.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "Did she hurt you?"

He shook his head.

"I love you, baby," he murmured.


	6. Ripped Apart

**_Hi all! I'm back. Still don't own them. Collins has taken up residence in the dark recesses of my mind because he misses his Angel. He's helping me pass algebra._**

**Ripped Apart**

****

Benny's Range Rover was parked outside Angel's building. Lily tearfully embraced Mimi, who had turned up to say goodbye.

"I was just starting to get to know you," Mimi smiled. "Will you be back?"

"God, I hope so. Anyway, it's been good knowing you. If you see Jake or any of them, tell them I'll see them in Hell."

Mimi walked away and she turned to face Collins. At first, they weren't sure how to say goodbye. They'd only known each other for a few days, so a kiss was unnecessary but a simple 'goodbye' was too little.

 Collins flashed her that brilliant smile.

"Get into these arms, ya little punk!" he teased.

She hugged him. His skin smelled like earth. 

_I think in an alternate universe Collins was my father, Lily thought happily._

"Lillian," her mother ordered, tapping her watch suggestively. Lily made a hand gesture at her. She would go with them but only because Angel wanted her to. 

At last it was time for Angel and Lily to say their goodbyes. She began to cry and he was already hysterical. They embraced and hugged so tightly it seemed they might never let go.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "If I do, I'll never see you again."

"I promise it won't be like that this time!" he told her firmly. "I'll write you every week and you can call me any time."

"I love you so much, Angel. Promise you won't forget me."

"Never, honey. You don't need to worry about that."

"Make sure Collins takes good care of you."

He chuckled. She rested her head on his shoulder and he rubbed her back with his palm, just like he used to when she was little.

"Lillian! We have to go _now!" her father called._

She didn't want to leave him, but for some reason her feet obeyed. She cast one more despairing look at Angel and got into Benny's car. Her mother gave him a dirty look as she got into the front seat beside the landlord. As they pulled away, Lily breathed on the window. In the mist she'd left, she used her finger to draw the words ANGEL + LILY 4 EVER. As the car disappeared Angel felt as though someone had ripped his heart out and squashed it. Collins walked over and silently put his arm around the transvestite. They did not speak, for Angel was too devastated to utter a sound and he could think of no words that might comfort him.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" he asked at last. "I didn't realize she was so miserable."

The philosopher sighed.

"Listen, babe, they're her parents. They're assholes and they're bigots, but they're her parents. Letting her stay would've been illegal. I think that as long as she knows you love her she'll be okay."

Angel nodded. He suddenly felt very tired.

"I hope so," he whispered.

*******************************

And so, life went back to normal for Lily. She moved back into her big lonely house and went back to her stuck-up prep school. The news about her unsuccessful escape to New York spread through the neighborhood like wildfire, and everyone had their own opinion about it. Her teachers looked upon her with a mixture of fear and disgust. They flinched every time she raised her hand or they had to take an assignment from her. Her peers made her the new designated joke. Girls would walk up to her at lunch and strike sensual poses trying to get her aroused, or stayed away from her because they thought Lily might do things to them. (She wasn't exactly sure what they thought it was she did.) It didn't bother her much because she'd never had friends anyway. But she could've done without the taunts and whispering. Things were tough and the only thing that kept her from stepping in front of a bus was the letter that arrived every week like clockwork. In writing back to Angel, Lily poured out her heart. He would write back giving her tender advice and assurance that everything would be all right. This contact with him was her salvation.

The letters arrived faithfully for a few months, then the interval between them became longer. This worried her. Finally, she almost died when an entire month went by without a letter or a call. What was keeping Angel? Was it her parents? No, they were too scared of her to interfere. Then what the hell was it?

***************************

The room was spinning worse than it ever had before. Angel's head was scorching but his body was frozen. Violent shivers overwhelmed him and he crumpled into a fetal position on the couch. He heard his friends' echoing voices saying something about an ambulance. They sounded so far away and he felt small and alone. He wrapped his arms around himself and rocked back and forth, shutting his eyes. Suddenly he leaned over and puked onto the floor. He started crying.

Suddenly, good strong arms hugged him close.

"It's okay, honey," Collins whispered. "The ambulance will be here soon. Calm down, baby."

Angel could no longer fight the blackness. Safe in his lover's arms, he slipped into unconsciousness.

**_OBC cast member clones will be awarded to reviewers. State who you'd like in the review_**_._


	7. Why?

**_::is being massaged by Wilson Jermaine Heredia clone:: Hello my little friends I have returned. Bwahahaha! Just when you thought it was safe to stop reviewing! I still don't own them blah blah blah. Now _****_Wilson_****_ needs me, enjoy_**

****

**Why?**

Collins watched in horror through the glass wall that let him see Angel's room. Six or seven doctors marched in. Cold handed cold hearted doctors hooked him up to some strange machine. They watched the monitors and spoke in hushed voices as they took notes, as though he were their lab animal. Collins wanted to punch through the wall and strangle them all. Angel shivered. Those blankets weren't warm enough. If he were in there…God, if only he were in there.

Roger walked over to him and put his hand on Collins' shoulder.

"There only doing this to help him," he said, reading the teacher's thoughts.

"You don't all have to stay." 

"But Angel's our friend too," Mimi protested.

He looked around at all of them.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Mr. Collins." One of the doctors from hell had left the room. Soon, the others fallowed.

"Yes?"

"It doesn't look good. It seems_ Pneumocystis carinii _pneumonia, or PCP, has hit him. It affects most people with AIDS. If you'd come to us earlier we could've helped but it seems to be too late. I'm sorry."

Collins wanted both to murder the doctor and commit suicide at the same time. Behind him, Maureen and Mimi began weeping and Roger punched the wall. Mark collapsed onto a chair and Joanne put her head in her hands.

"How long does he have?" Collins asked through clenched teeth.

"About two months, give or take. It would be better if you kept him here for that time."

"You mean…he'll die here?"

"Again, I'm very sorry. You may see him now. The anesthetic's wearing off." 

The doctors from hell left and he went inside. Angel twitched and slowly opened his eyes.

"Collins," he murmured. His voice was slurred from the drugs.

The philosopher pulled up a chair and took his hand.

"My sweet Angel," he said kissing his forehead.

"Collins…" He was so weak. Every word was an effort. "I'm…dying…?"

Tears stung Collins' eyes as he nodded. Angel nodded too.

"Hold…me…" he whispered.

He did as he was told. Angel relaxed and nuzzled him.

"The gang's out there," Collins said. "Would you like them to come in?"

He shook his head, and then winced at the pain it caused him.

"Too…sleepy…Tomorrow?" 

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind coming when you feel better."

They didn't talk for a minute, but Angel thought of something. 

"Can…you…help…me…?" he asked slowly. "Call her…?

"Call who, sweetheart?"

He shivered and Collins held him closer.

"Call…Lily…for me?" he begged. "Tell her…why…I…stopped…"

"Why you stopped writing? I'm sure she'll be more than understanding."

"Ask if…she'll…write…more. You…read… letters… to me?"

_He sounds like a little boy. God, he is beautiful._

"Of course, baby. When would you like me to make the call?

"Now?"

This surprised Collins.

"Now? Are you sure? That'll mean I have to leave."

Angel smiled.

"Mimi…comes in and…stays. You…please…go call…my Tiger Lily…?"

Collins kissed him.

"How can you die?" he sobbed softly. "Why'd this happen to you?"

He shrugged and flinched again.

"There's only us… There's only us…There's only this…Forget regret…Or life is yours to miss." Angel began to sing the affirmation he'd learned at the AIDS support group where he'd met Collins. The teacher finished it for him. Collins had a beautiful voice and Angel felt peace as he heard it.

"No other road, no other way. No day but today."

He kissed him again.

"I'm gonna go get Mimi, okay? Don't be scared."

"Too...late," chuckled Angel and he smiled.

He walked out of the room and everyone was staring at him. He kind of wished they'd leave.

"Mimi," he said, "he wants you. Will you stay with him while I go use the phone?"

"Course I will."

Collins crept to the phone and deposited a dollar. He had a feeling this would be a long conversation. He dialed the number and the phone rang once.

"Hello," said a cheery Spanish voice.

"Hello, is Lily there please?"

"May I ask who calls?" she asked in broken English.

"Tom Collins."

"_Si, senor.__ I go see her."_

She walked into the kitchen where Lily was eating an apple.

"Miss Lillian, you are having a phone call."

"Who is it?"

"A man, Miss Lillian. Tom Collins.

Lily let out a squeal, dropped her apple and ran into the drawing room.

"Collins, hi!" she breathed into the phone.

"Hey, baby." He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to start this conversation.

"God, it's good to hear your voice. What's up?"

He sighed.

"Baby, you got a chair near you?"

"Uh…yeah."

The tone in his voice worried her.

"Then you might want to sit down because I got some bad news for you."

Lily fumbled for the chair behind her and clumsily sat down.

"Collins, what the hell's going on?" she asked nervously.

"Ah…Christ, how do I say this? Well, I'm sure you're wondering why Angel hasn't written you."

"Yeah, I have. Is something wrong?"

Another shuddering sigh.

"Okay, baby, I'm just going to say it straight out. The reason he hasn't spoken to you is…He's got AIDS and he…he…he's dying. I'm calling you from the hospital. It's in his lungs. The doctors said he's got about two months to live."

He was right to ask her to sit, for if she hadn't been, she sure as hell would have fainted. She needed to vomit or scream or something. But nothing came.

"How long has he been sick?" she asked, her voice quavering.

 "He's had it since I met him at Christmas, but he hasn't had any symptoms until now. It's getting worse and worse and tonight we had to get him to a doctor."

"Well then why are you calling me? I'm sure he needs you."

"After he woke up the first thing he did was beg me to call you. He says he's sorry about ignoring you."

It was then the tears came. Hot salty tears glided down her cheeks and splattered as they fell on the desk.

"Asshole," she sobbed. "You're at death's door and you apologize for not writing me. Oh, Collins." 

Collins started crying too. He was a silent crier so he simply stood there with tears falling down his face.

"He wanted me to ask if you'd keep writing even if he can't respond. He likes your letters so much."

"I'll write every day! And tell him I'll come see him as soon as I possibly can. Oh, Jesus, Collins, you shouldn't be talking to me; you should be in that room with Angel. I…I can't talk anymore, I have to go."

"Hang in there, baby. Call me if you need anything."

"Same to you. Tell him I love him."

"I will. Bye, Lily."

He went to hang up but then-

"Collins?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"I love you too."

He smiled, despite the tears. In the agony he felt, those words were like beams of light spilling in on a cold dark room.

"I love you too, Tiger Lily. I'll call you if there's any change in his health. Bye."  

"Bye." 

She hung up. The room was spinning and so were her thoughts.

_Dying…AIDS…Angel...Can't be true…Dying…Two months to live…In his lungs…Sorry for not writing…How could he be sorry…? _

Everything seemed darker and she felt the sensation like she was falling. In this new void she could here sirens blaring in her ears. Sirens. Like the ones on the ambulance that had carried Angel to the hospital.

Suddenly the maid rushed in and cried, "Miss Lillian, what_ is being wrong?"_

Only then did Lily realize that the sirens were coming from her. She was sitting with her face buried in her arms and loud animal-like noises were wrenching their way out of her. The woman's entry had brought herback to reality.

"Nothing, Rosa," she said quickly, drying her eyes.

"Okay. Miss Nikki asked me tell you to go change your clothes. You will be eating at Mr. Eric and Miss Maria's house tonight.

_Great timing.__ He's dying and I have to go eat with the people who threw him out in the first place._

"Okay. Thanks, Rosa."

She left and Lily ran upstairs. She laid out her clothes on her bed. (All black, that ought to irk her parents pretty well.) Then she showered quickly and dressed. Just as she finished applying her makeup, her mother called:

"Lillian! We're going."

"Coming!" she said, annoyed.

She grabbed her journal and her coat and hurried down the stairs and out behind them.

Dinner was like tourture for Lily. Everywhere she looked she was reminded of Angel. Despite his parents' efforts to destroy all evidence that they ever had a son, his memory was everywhere. The adults were sipping wine and chatting about the latest development in the stock market. Every time she looked at Angel's mother Maria, she wanted to cry. Finally, after about half an hour, Lily's throat burned with the lump that had formed. She had to leave or she'd break down.

"Gotta use the bathroom." She choked out the lie to her parents and slowly left the room. Once she was out of sight, she bolted up the stairs and down the hall. She stopped at the last room. She knew the door would be locked. From around her neck she unclasped a chain, on the end of which was a key. She placed it in the lock and turned. The door creaked open and she entered Angel's old bedroom. She relocked the door and slowly looked around. It was still the same, but all trivial things that had been his had been sold. Lily spread her arms and spun slowly, falling on the bed. She climbed on and inhaled the smell of the bedding. It didn't smell like peaches and cinnamon. It smelled like detergent. The lump in her throat exploded and she had herself a good long cry.

She would have never believed that her tears would run dry, but eventually they did. Lily sat up and took another look around. She noticed the closet door was open. Something inside her told her to look in. So she slid off the bed and opened the door. It was dark, but way in the back she could see a shadowy shape. She went inside and retrieved it. Suddenly she recognized the shape of the object. It couldn't be! But it was. Upon bringing it into the light Lily saw the object, or objects, were Angel's old bongo drums. His prized possession. Her heart leapt as her finger traced the initials carved into the base of one drum. _A.D.S._

_This is a sign, Lily thought._

The question was, was it a good one or a bad one?

****

**_OK so now that we're through with the angst, here are your presents  ::releases clones:: Major hugs to everybody who asked for Jesse L Martin! Y'all are my soul sisters for sure! Reviewers will get pizza (Michelle understands the PIZZa thing)_**


	8. Blue Eyed Miracle

**_New characters folks! I own them, but not Angel and Collins. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to the real Peter, my first experience with homosexuality. I blame you for turning me into a fag hag _****J**** __**

**Blue Eyed Miracle**

The days dragged for Angel and Collins. Angel's health went in unpredictable patterns. He'd be strong for a week and then slip back to illness. He hated the hospital and it seemed that the hospital hated him. The staff never smiled and even the machinery made frightening shadows at night. Thank God the doctors had allowed Collins to sleep near him at night.

And thank God also, for Lily's letters. They kept him going. That was the highlight of life in this horrible place. Collins had begun writing replies describing his reactions. He would say things like, "When you said this it made Angel laugh. He hasn't laughed in a week," or, "Angel thinks you should do this, this and this to fix that problem." Lily liked the replies as much as Angel liked the letters. Collins was just about to read him the most recent arrival.

"Wow, this is a long one," Angel grinned eagerly.

"Something must be up," agreed Collins. "Okay, here we go. 

August 12, 1997

Dear Angel,

Today was truly the best I've had in months. Wanna know why? I met someone!! Yes, it's true. But let me break down the details for you.

"It happened today at lunch. Now, I've already told you how much I hate lunch. So I was sitting in the cafeteria, by myself as usual, when I looked on the line and I saw this new girl. She was dressed in black like me and, Angel; she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen!!!!! She had short wavy jet black hair, kind of like that wig you were wearing when you picked me up that time. And her skin was really white and perfect, not a pimple to be found. And her eyes, oh Angel. They were huge and a darker shade of blue. Oh, God, Angel, this girl had me strung out!

"So, anyway, she got off the line and was trying to find a seat. Naturally, all those snobs would give her was the evil eye or the cold shoulder. So then I thought, _Now's my chance! _And I stood up and called:

'Hey, new girl! You can sit with me if you want!'

She turned and smiled real wide and, Angel, my throat totally closed up.

As she started walking over some idiot goes:

'Careful, new girl, Tiger Lezzy might hit on ya!'

And she turns around, puts down her tray and punches the kid in the jaw!!! Can you believe that? Someone was actually sticking up for me! And I didn't even know them!

"Then, quite calmly, she picks the tray back up and walks over.

'Hi,' she says, sitting down. 

I was still stunned so it took me a minute to answer. Finally, I stuttered:

'That was really nice of you!'

I could've killed myself for sounding so lame. But amazingly she didn't seem to mind.

'No big,' she smiled. 'You're the one letting me sit. What's your name?'

'Tiger Lily. You?'

'Juliet Sanchez.'

'Well, nice to meet you, Juliet. Anyway, why'd you stand up for me? I'm kinda the school freak show.'

'Why is that?'

I felt kinda weird saying it, but it felt good coming out on perpose. 

'I really am a lesbian.'

Juliet took a bite of her barely defrosted hamburger.

'So what? So am I.'

"I choked on a sip of my Dr Pepper.

'You're joking!! No wonder you got so pissed.'

She nodded.

'I guess you could say I'm a gay rights activist. My parents are a homosexual couple. Kids have given me a lot of grief over it. Now, I've discovered my own sexual tastes and I've lost the few friends I have.'

'Well, at least your parents are excepting. I had to run away after I discovered myself. But my parents found me and dragged me back.'

'Where'd you go?' She seemed really interested, so I told her all about what happened with you and me. After I finished, I was crying and there were tears in her eyes.

'Would you go out with me?' she asked suddenly, looking into my eyes.

It was so quick. I wanted to, I _really wanted to. I had this feeling about her, ya know? It's like in movies when the say that someone is The One. We just knew that we were in love, just like that! Finally, my throat became unstuck and I blurted out:_

'Would you be my girlfriend?'

And she leaned across the table and we kissed. Really kissed. Of course, everyone in the cafeteria was watching, so this was greeted with lots of whispering and 'Oh, my Gods'. But we didn't care. Angel, I'd never felt so alive and so happy. Oh, God it was like nothing I'd ever experienced before.

"So, now I'm in love. Who'd have thought it would happen so fast? I'm going to her house next week to meet her parents. I'm real nervous. What if they don't like me? I wish you were here to help me. Oh, Angel, I miss you and Collins so much. I promise I'll come see you soon. I'll see if Juliet can't come too. She says you're in her prayers. And, of course, you're in mine too. I love you forever. Tiger Lily." 

The lovers stared at each other for a moment, stunned. The grin on Angel's face got wider and he let out a squeal of pure pleasure.

"I can't believe this!! Collins, she's in love!"

"Her parents are going to totally crack!" Collins slapped his knee. "Oh, man, this is so great."

Angel leaned back on his uncomfortable rubbery pillows and smiled.

"Thank you, God," he whispered. "Thank you so much."

*******************************

Lily and Juliet stood outside the Sanchez house. Lily had seen this same scenario in a bunch of comedies. She would go in, the parents would hate her with a passion, and chaos would ensue.

"I'm nervous," she whispered.

"Don't worry, they'll love you."

The people in the comedies always said that too.  

She opened the door and they made their way in.

"That you, _levanto?"_

"_Si, Padre._"

"You call your dads different things?" Lily asked. 

"Well one of them is Cuban so I call him padre. The other one is just Dad. I do it so they know which one I'm talking to."

"Is that your new girlfriend with you?" Padre called.

"Yeah, get Dad and come meet her."

She led Lily into the living room and lounged on the white couch.

"Beautiful place," she said, looking around. 

"Thanks. Dad decorated it all by himself."

"What do your parents do?"

"Padre is a lawyer and Dad paints. Maybe he'll give you a sneak peek of his new project."

"I'd love that."

A thin wiry man with sandy blonde hair sauntered in.

"Hi!" he said in a lilting voice. "You must be Lily."

He pumped her arm enthusiastically.

"Lily," Juliet smiled. "Meet dad number one. Daddy, this is Lily."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Sanchez. Oh, do you prefer Mr. or Mrs.?"

He laughed.

"'Mr.' usually, but you can just call me Peter."

"Okay."

A brawny man walked in and Lily received another handshake.

"Lily, great to finally meet you. Michael Sanchez."

"And dad number two," Juliet said. "Padre, this is my girlfriend Lily."

Every time Juliet referred to her as her girlfriend, Lily felt amazingly lucky. She knew this was destiny.

"Sit," Peter told her. She did as she was told.

"_Levanto_,_" Michael smiled, "go get the cake your dad's hiding in the refrigerator." _

Peter smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

"That's for your birthday tomorrow!"

"Well, I'd like to stay thirty. Maybe if we don't have the cake I won't age."

Everyone laughed.

"Besides, this is a celebration."

Peter nodded.

"Here, here!"

Juliet got up and went to get the cake. When she came back Michael cut it and everyone applauded.

"Happy birthday, sir," smiled Lily.

"Thank you very much, Lily and it's Michael."

"Michael."

They each took a slice of cake.

"Daddy, I was wondering if we could show Lily your new painting."

"Oh, I'm sure she wouldn't want to see that," he said modestly.

"No, I love art," she contradicted. "Let me see it, please."

"All right. After we're finished here I'll show it to you."

The girls finished quickly and Peter led them down to his study in the basement. He walked over to an easel with a white sheet over it. With one fluent movement he unveiled it. Lily immediately loved the painting, but took a minute to examine it closely.

It was a picture of a young woman sitting at a table, her face buried in her folded arms. On the table was a blood smeared needle, a condom and a vase filled with wilting red roses. Tied around both the woman's neck and the neck of the vase were red ribbons. 

Lily knew what the message in the painting was.

"What do you think?" Peter asked.

"I love it," she said honestly. "Hits kinda close to home."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, honey." Peter's face fell. "Who do you know that's sick?"

"My cousin has PCP."

Juliet's already pale face suddenly became paler.

"Jesus Christ almighty, Lily, I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I totally forgot about that. I didn't mean-"

"Don't you dare apologize, Juliet." She cut her off. "I needed to see this. It really helps. Thanks."

She embraced her and Juliet breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know I'd never try to hurt you, don't you Lily?"

"Course I do."

She let her go and faced Peter.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure can. What is it?"

"Are you sick?"

He shook his head, and then knocked on wood.

"Fortunately no. I just did this to show people that anyone can get AIDS. The media makes it out so it seems like only gays can get it, but that's not true."

"Well, I think it's amazing. You've really captured the grief. That's exactly how I looked when I got the call about Angel."

"My sympathies, Lily, honey. How's your family taking it?"

"They don't know. And I doubt they'd care."

Before she knew it, she was sitting pouring the whole story out, Peter and Juliet sitting on either side of her. When she finished Juliet put her arms around her.

"What will happen to us, Lily? Your family really will hate me."

Lily kissed her.

"You're dating me, not my family. I love you. That's all that matters. Who cares what they think?"

Juliet beamed. Lily put her face in her hands.

"I'm so worried about Angel."

"Well, Lily, no matter what the outcome everything will turn out the way He wants it to," Peter told her.

She nodded. 

"Thank you both so much."

**_Lets_****_ see...what can I give my reviewers? Hmmm...ooh! I know! Fab Five members! (If y'all don't watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy that's just sad.) Also, I want to write a Bennyfic. I need ideas! Email me or IM me. _GypsyRENThead. _Thanks!   _**


	9. Losing the Battle

**_Okay a few things. Somebody who reviewed noticed I borrowed a line from the movie Newsies. Whoever you are, you rock all the way into the 23rd century _****_J_********_Also,_****_ somebody said that maybe Juliet and Lily fell a little soon. I was trying to duplicate the Collins/Angel kind of love to answer your question. Y'all know who isn't mine_**

****

**Losing the **Battle********

****

And that's how it went for week after week. Lily and Juliet's relationship progressed and deepened. And all the time, Lily kept Angel and Collins totally informed. It helped Angel feel he was still part of his beloved niece's life.

She wrote about everything. She wrote about when she and Juliet started writing songs for a CD. Lily wrote the lyrics and Juliet, (who, to hear Lily tell it, 'Could play a guitar as though it was an extension of her body'.) wrote the music. Angel adored it when Lily sent him poems. She called it EBA, evaluation by Angel. The girls called themselves Theory of Actual Reality, after Collins' crusade at MIT.

Of course, Lily's parents detested the idea of Juliet coming over and she and Lily making out on her bedroom rug, (An assumption of which they weren't completely innocent.) but they tolerated it because they knew if they didn't she'd do something drastic. Their social status could not afford another of their daughter's impromptu trips to New York.

With the exception of Angel's illness, life was going great for Lily. But all that was about to change.

*********************************

It was a rainy day in October. Lily sat on her bed drying her hair when the maid walked in.

"You are having a call, Miss Lillian."

"Is it Juliet?"    

"No, Miss Lillian. It is that Tom Collins."

Lily's hand flew to her mouth. A call from Collins. What did this mean? The maid handed her the phone and walked out, dusting as she went.

"Collins," she said.

"Hey, baby."

"Good news or bad news?"

Her heart sank as she heard that deep broken sigh.

"Bad, Lily, real bad. The doctors give him a few days at the most."

This time, she could hear the tears in his voice.

"Oh, please, dear God, no," she murmured.

"If you're going to see him, you must do it soon. So, if by some miracle your parents let you come-"

"Oh, I'll make them listen to me. Oh, Collins, tell him I'm on my way and that I'll see you both soon. I love you both."

"You too, baby. See you soon."

She hung up and hastily dressed. She had to see Juliet. Juliet would know what to do. With her hair still soaking, she ran out the door. Thank God she only lived a few blocks away and in her fear, Lily's feet moved as though they were on fire. She dashed up the porch and rapped on the front door. Her lover answered and before she could say anything, Lily flung her arms around her neck.

"Lily? Honey, what's going on?"

"It's Angel," she sobbed. "His health is sinking fast. I have to see him and I don't know how!"

Juliet led her inside and they both sat down. Peter came in and gasped.

"Oh, my God, what happened?"

His daughter explained the situation and he took the overwrought Lily in his arms.

"I've gotta see him, Peter. If I don't…"

"Hush. Let's take it slowly. Your mom and dad won't take you?"

"I don't wanna risk them saying no."

"Well, they might not. Let's call your mother and ask her."

She waited with baited breath as he called her house. He answered to the maid and then Mrs. Dumott got on. They talked, but Lily was so afraid that her brain had been temporarily shut off. She finally heard him say, "Thank you, ma'am, this will mean so much to her. Goodbye."

Peter inched over to the couch and laid his hand on her shoulder. She looked up, eyes wide with fear.

"She said yes, honey," he smiled gently.

Her jaw fell. In a lighter situation she would have asked if he was sure that was her real mother and not some android. She slowly looked over at Juliet and embraced her.

"It's gonna be all right, Lily," she whispered.      

***************************************

Lily ran to the front desk of the hospital. Her mother walked about ten feet behind her.

"Hi," she said hurriedly to the receptionist. "What room is Angel Dumott Schunard in?"

"Room 12A on the sixth floor," she answered flatly.

"Thank you."

She bolted for the elevator but turned sharply as her mother called:

"Remember, Lillian, one hour maximum."

"Don't waste my time," she said coldly. "I'll be out when Angel wants me out."

She disappeared onto the elevator. It seemed to take an eternity to reach her floor, but finally it did. She ran down the hall so fast it didn't seem like her feet were touching the floor. She forced herself to slow down before entering the room. She did not want to frighten Angel. Slowly, she pushed the door open and entered the small white room. She'd seen rooms like this in her nightmares. Thankfully, she saw Collins' figure sitting in a chair beside the bed.

"Collins," she whispered and he whipped around.

"Lily!"

He got up to embrace her. It felt so good to be in his arms.

"You came."

"How is he?"

He sighed and led her to his bedside. He was slumbering, but not easily. The sleep was obviously drug-induced. He tossed and turned as much as the small bed would allow. Her horrified gaze drifted from the blinking buzzing machine he was connected to, to his body under those paper thin excuses for blankets. His skin was parchment pale, almost transparent, literally hanging off his bones. He seemed to have shrunk in size. His eyes had bruised dark bags underneath them. This was not her Angel. This was a dying man.

Collins went to rouse him, but she stopped him.

"No!" she protested. "Don't disturb him because of me."

"He'll get mad at me if he doesn't wring out every last second he can have with you," he smiled.

He shook him gently.

"Angel," he whispered, "someone special to see you, honey."

Beautiful brown eyes fluttered open feebly. They widened in shock as they landed on her.

"Hey," she smiled weakly. She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Tiger Lily…" It was barely a whisper. "Is it…really you?"

She nodded. Collins put a chair behind her and she sat.

"I brought you a present."

She displayed the oddly shaped package to him. He smiled. It was shaky, but it shone with happiness.

"You are my present."

She laughed shyly.

"I'll open it for you," she smiled.

She unwrapped it to reveal a set of bongos. Angel's mouth opened, but no sound came. With a trembling hand he reached up and touched his initials. 

"My drums," he whispered. "Where…did…you…?"

"I found them in your closet back at your old house," she said gleefully. "Can you believe it?"

He groped for her hand and held it tightly. Collins could see on her face that she was trying to figure out what to say next.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked timidly.

He shook his head sleepily.

"You would…worry," he mumbled in a tired gravely voice that was not his. 

He changed the subject.

"How's Juliet?"

She smiled.

"I love her," she said truthfully, and he nodded, smiling as well.

"Good," he uttered.

"She thought…she thought it would be best if she didn't come today. She said it would be better if it was just us. And besides, today's a school day."

He gave her as disapproving a look as he could muster.

"You skipped school?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I had to see you. If I waited it might have been too late. Lord knows I want to stay here with you but…"

He shook his head again.

"I know, I know. I just came to tell you that I love you more than life itself. And you're gonna get better. You're gonna live for a good long time and we'll never lose each other again."

Tears welled up in Angel's eyes as they bored into Lily's catlike green ones.

"Lily…" he wept, losing strength. "Lily…Lily…"

"Shhh," she ordered. "Don't exhaust yourself."

He shook his head again.

"Lily…" He tried one last time. "I'll…miss…you…so…much."

"No!" she said forcefully. "Angel, you can't die! Who'll love me if you die?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering strength. Then, he reached up and anchored his hand on her shoulder. Using her for support, he sat up. Collins started to stop him, but knew Angel had to do whatever he was trying to.

Agonizingly slowly, Angel leaned towards Lily's face. His lips barely touched hers when he collapsed back onto the bed. He let his head loll to the side and he slept. He wasn't gone, but Lily knew that that kiss was goodbye.

*********************************

As Mrs. Dumott had expected, Lily was hysterical crying when she stepped off the elevator. Without a word, she passed her mother and crumpled into a chair.

"Is he-?" she began.

"No," she answered curtly. "Not yet." 

 There was a long silence. The mother sat down in the chair next to hers. She knew better than to touch her daughter, but she tried to the best of her abilities to give motherly advice.

"Darling, I understand why you're upset. But you have to understand that these things just happen. AIDS is one of those things our society has to deal with. Angel being…the way he is…had greater chances of getting sick and…"

She broke off, for Lily's expression gave her no encouragement to continue.

"What are you saying?" she hissed. "What do you think he wants this?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that he knew the risk and went ahead and became…the way he is."

Again she used that phrase, as though homosexuality was the disease rather than AIDS.

"You think he deserves this, don't you?" Lily whispered fiercely. "You think he deserves a punishment for being gay and this is it."

The mother looked at the floor, unable to deny this. Lily shook her head incredulously.

"It's what I believe, Lillian. Don't hold my ideas against me."

Lily stood up angrily, still shaking her head. This woman dared call herself a mother? This stranger dared have a free conscience about her bigotry?

"You know something?" she snapped. "You are full of shit. You pretend like all you want is to be the perfect mother and like you're so wise in the ways of the world. You and I both know you wish you could just wash your hands of me because I'm gay. And believe me there's nothing I want more. You worked so hard to keep Angel and me apart for fear of 'corruption'. Angel's more of a person than you'll ever know how to be. But you can't see that, can you, Mom? Because to you all he'll ever be, all I'll ever be is gay. We'll never be good enough for you."

People were staring, but she didn't care. She couldn't even see them. She couldn't see anything. Sobbing, she ran out the door.

  Lily said nothing the whole drive back. Upon getting home she bolted up the stairs and locked herself in her room. She tore it apart, smashing and ripping as much as she could. She felt at home in the mess. It mirrored her, confused chaotic and emotional. Then she sat on her bed with her diary and wrote random words and phrases in a vain attempt to put into words the raw savage grief that was tearing her apart. Her head was splitting so she popped four Advil. They, combined with depression, brought her into a heavy dreamless sleep.

**_The feds shut down my lab so clones are unavailable at this time. Um...I'll give Godiva chocolates to reviewers!_**


	10. Death Cannot Drown Love

**_IIIMMMM BAAAACCKK!!! Sorry for the long wait. My stupid laptop was messed up. I'm seeing RENT tomorrow! YAY! Goodbye writers block, hello Bennyfic! Still not mine._**

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**Death Cannot Drown Love**

When she woke, the house was pitch dark and everyone was asleep. She looked at the clock. Five a.m. Had she really slept that long? It didn't matter. She wanted to sleep forever, just as long as she didn't have to face life and people and especially her parents. Without Angel there didn't seem to be a point.

Her cell phone rang a giddy tune. She'd have to change it. It was too happy.

_Who the fuck would be calling at this time of night? She thought angrily as she picked it up._

"What?" she snapped.

"Lily?" said a quavering voice.

It was Roger, Angel's musician friend.

And suddenly, she knew.

"Oh, God!" The words rose before she could prevent them.

"He's dead," Roger said his voice raw.

She would never have believed that there were more tears left in her. But upon hearing that, she let out a high pitched wail of despair. Again, that dark spinning abyss swam before her eyes. Through it, she heard Roger say:

"I'm so sorry."

"Oh, Roger," she sobbed. "When?"

"A little while after you left, maybe half an hour. Mark just had the idea someone should call you."

"Jesus Christ, it can't be. How's Collins?"

"I don't know. He bolted right after they took his body away."

Her heartbeat sped up, like when you're in hot water too long. It was beginning to hurt her.

"Roger, I…I can't say anymore…I have to go."

"I understand. Call us if you need anything."

"I will."

She hung up without saying goodbye. Then for an hour, she did what she referred to as 'six year old crying,' that loud painful crying that small children do when they hurt themselves. After the tears dried, she sat up and looked around her room with dull eyes. It looked just like she felt. Cold, dark, empty. She looked at her open journal and read the words she'd written earlier.

LOVE, HATE, DEATH, HEAVEN, THERE'S NO GOD. THE CHURCH IS FULL OF CRAP. GAY, LESBIAN, FAGGOT, QUEER. AIDS. I HATE AIDS. I HATE MY PARENTS. MISUNDERSTOOD. ACTUAL REALITY. I MISS ANGEL. I NEED ANGEL. HOMICIDE. SUICIDE.  

She reread the last word. Suicide. She reread it several times. The image of the gun her father kept in his study flickered in her mind. Many times throughout her life she had been told that she was never to touch it. 

Suddenly, everything made perfect sense. That was what she would do. She would not lose Angel again. Nothing would separate them.

She unlocked her door and crept through the darkness into her father's office. She rummaged through one of the drawers in his desk and found the key. She used it to unlock a different drawer. In which lay her father's 9mm handgun, fully loaded. She took it out and closed the drawer. Then, hiding the gun in her clothes ran back to her room.

She took her shirt off and looked out the window at the stars. She put the muzzle of the gun directly in the center of her chest.

"I'm coming, Angel," she murmured. "Wait for me."

She put her finger on the trigger. She was about to let it go when she heard a rustle behind her.

_"Lily…"_

She turned. Nobody there. Again she heard a voice whisper.

_"Tiger Lily…don't do it…No day but today…"_

_I'm losing my mind, she thought._

Suddenly, she felt as though someone were standing behind her. She turned again. She couldn't see anyone, but the smell filled her. _Peaches and cinnamon!_

She suddenly felt arms hold her. An invisible hand gripped the gun and drew it down.

_"Don't do it, baby…I love you…" the familiar voice said._

"Angel?" Lily whispered. "Where are you?"

_"No day but today…I love you, Tiger Lily…"_

The voice receded and the arms let her go.

"Angel, no," she called softly.

But he was gone.

If there was any part of Tiger Lily Dumott that didn't believe in destiny or heaven, it was now convinced. She fell to her knees and sighed:

"Thank you, Angel." 

She stood up and grabbed her jacket. It was late, but she had to see Juliet. She knew Peter would be up painting. She just had to be near someone. She tiptoed out of the house and ran to the house. She knocked on the door and, as she'd expected, Peter answered.

"Lily! What are you doing here?"

"Angel died tonight."

She had known she'd have to tell him. Still, openly declaring it aloud didn't feel good. His long face fell.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. When?"

"Hours ago. After I'd gone."

"You poor dear. Well, Juliet's up. Would you like to stay here?"

"Thank you. I knew you'd understand. I just don't wanna be alone."

"Course you don't. Juliet, baby!" he called. "Lily's here!"

Juliet ran to the door and Lily stepped inside. Her girlfriend's sixth sense kicked in and they hugged.

"Is he gone, babe?" she asked.

"Yes," she choked.

"You saw him today?"

"Uh-huh."

"What did your parents say?"

"That I need therapy."   

"Assholes."

Lily spent the next several hours sipping cocoa on her bed and telling them the story of her attempt at suicide. Peter was deeply religious so he believed every word. Juliet threw her arms around Lily and made her promise to call if she ever felt that way again. Finally, the girls fell asleep together. Lily felt safe and a little happier.

**_I swear to God I'm so sorry! ::hides from Arch of Wand who is hunting her:: If RENT were mine Angel wouldn't die, but I have to stick close to the great Jonathan Larson's vision. _**


	11. Releasing the Pain

**_Final chapter here folks! Yes this is it! A final word will be posted at the end. Enjoy!_**

****

**Releasing the Pain**

Even though she was no longer suicidal, Lily was still grieving for Angel. She still stayed up all night writing and crying, barely able to drag herself from bed the next morning. She did well in school, but only because he had always been particular about that. She couldn't have cared less about it. She tried to tell herself that he would not have wanted her to be depressed, but she couldn't shake the sadness.

In the midst of all this, her mother's forty-fifth birthday rolled around. Her parents had invited the whole family to their house. It was the worst night of her life. People kept asking her these monotonous questions. How have you been? How's school? What do you want for Christmas? She felt like making flash cards._ I'm gay and depressed. School sucks. For Christmas I want to move away._

Periodically one of Angel's old friends would call to see how she was, but it was never Collins. She couldn't blame him. His love for Angel had seemed so pure. Losing him was probably a living Hell. So, it surprised her greatly when the maid announced a call from 'that man, Tom Collins'. She snatched the phone from her and put it to her ear. She thrilled to hear that deep familiar voice say:

"Hey, baby."

"Hi, Collins."

"How are you?"

"Ah, well, you know…"

This was a question she was not prepared to answer truthfully. He sensed it.

"Yeah, me too. But you know that's not what he would've wanted."

"I keep telling myself that too, but I just can't let go."

"I know, baby. Listen; I need to ask you a favor. It's completely up to you. I'm planning his funeral and I think it would be great if you could make a eulogy. I'll be doing it and so will Mimi, Maureen and Mark. It's going to be on Halloween."

 Silence. And then in a very small voice.

"Thank you for giving me this, Collins."

He gave her the time and address.

"You can bring Juliet if you want."

She smiled.

"Thanks. I'll see you then."

"Okay."

"I love you, Collins."

She heard him chuckle bashfully.

"I love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

*************************************

Peter's Volvo pulled up outside the church. Collins was outside smoking a cigarette. Lily got out and ran to him.

"Collins!"

He opened his arms and scooped her up. Oh, how she loved his embrace.

"My beautiful girl!"

Juliet and Peter got out as he put her down.

"Collins, this is Juliet and her father Peter."

Peter shook his hand and Juliet nodded.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. Collins," she said. "Lily told me so much about you and Angel I feel like I knew him."

"Thank you very much, Juliet. I appreciate that."

They walked inside. The church was small and Collins' budget was tight, so they had decided to have a wake/funeral. 

Lily looked around. All Angel's friends were there, including a large black drag queen named Amazing Grace, who'd owned the drag house that he'd worked at after leaving home. Lily knew her from photographs Angel had sent.

The next couple her eyes fell on was a complete shock. _Benny with Mimi on his arm!!_ Lily looked at Roger. He was by the casket alone.

"Babe," Juliet whispered, "I'm gonna go use the restroom."

"Okay."

She walked away. Lily made her way towards Mimi.

"Lily!" she cried and they embraced. Then she exchanged greetings with Mark, Maureen and Joanne. She said nothing to Benny, but fixed him with the worst glare she could. Then she headed to the casket. Roger smiled at her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi, Roger."

They stood together and gazed upon Angel for the last time.

"He looks so peaceful," she murmured.

"Yeah."

A short pause. Then she said:

"Thanks for calling me. I'm sorry I broke on you."

"Nah. We all did the same thing. Everyone loved him that much."

"None more than me."

Their conversation was cut short as the preacher called everyone to sit for the service. Juliet came and sat beside Lily.

"I don't know how I'm gonna do this," Lily whispered.

"It'll be okay, babe. I'm right here."

Lily sighed and braced herself. First the preacher gave a speech so nonspecific it made her sick. Then Mark gave a speech relating a comic story about Angel and some lost Midwestern tourists. Mimi and Maureen's orations were more about Angel's friendship. Maureen even did hers in the second person, as though he was there listening. Lily loved them for all the heart they put into them.

After them, Collins got up. Lily paid even closer attention. She wanted to hear what he had to say most of all.

"This is a poem that I wrote for Angel back when we first met," he said. "I've put it to music for this occasion."

He began to sing in the most beautiful voice Lily had ever heard. It was low as thunder and sweet as rain.

_"Live in my house_

_I'll be your shelter_

_Just pay me back _

_With one thousand kisses_

_Be my lover _

_And I'll cover you_

_Open your door _

_I'll be your tenant_

_Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet_

_But sweet kisses I've got to spare_

_I'll be there and I'll cover you_

_I think they meant it_

_When they said you can't buy love _

_Now I know you can rent it_

_A new lease you were, my love_

_On life_

_All my life_

_I've longed to discover something as true as this is_

_So, with a thousand sweet kisses_

_I'll cover you _

_With a thousand sweet kisses_

_I'll cover you_

_Oh, lover, I'll cover you"_

Everyone applauded at full volume. Collins had long since started crying, and Lily had broken her vow not to weep. His love was so true and pure. It seemed to her the way it worked out, was the things you loved most were the things that were taken from you.

Collins cleared his throat.

"Our final speaker today will be Tiger Lily Dumott," he said.

Her heart was in her mouth. She squeezed Juliet and walked to the stand. She had made sure that she looked good. She wore a long black dress, her hair plaited down her back in a French braid. Her already large eyes were made larger by the dark makeup that Peter had applied so carefully. She was going to do Angel proud with this speech. She took a deep breath and spoke into the mike.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Lily and I am Angel Dumott Schunard's cousin."

Another deep breath and she went on.

"I was much honored when Tom Collins called me and asked me to speak today. This is my last gift to Angel. Now, I'm a poet. Words flow easily to me. But the things I say now are completely improvised. Each time I sat down to write something nothing came, because there really are no words to describe what was to me, what we had. Relationships like ours only come along once in a lifetime. Unfortunately there was a great rift in our relationship. Forces that, at the time, seemed greater than us tore us apart and by the time we found each other, it was almost too late.

"There is one memory I have about Angel that is worth sharing. It happened several months ago during my unsuccessful escape to New York. Angel and Collins took me to a party at The Life Cafe. Most of you in this room know what I mean. Anyway, we're all at this party and we're all just chilling out together and I looked at Angel's face and he was just glowing. He was surrounded by all his friends and I could just feel all the love they were showing him. I was overjoyed. I remembered when we were growing up he didn't have many friends because he was shy and confused about his sexuality and his place in the world. Now had a family, a real family who saw deeper than the surface. They saw what an amazing person he was inside. I wanted nothing more than to freeze that moment and stay in it forever. That was the way life was supposed to be. Angel and I loving each other forever.

"When Roger Davis called me on the night of Angel's death I thought about, attempted, to kill myself. I couldn't bear the thought of losing Angel again. But just before I let go, and I will swear this until I breathe my last, I heard Angel's voice. I felt his arms and smelled his scent. He made me put the gun down. 'No day but today,' he said. It was then that I realized that I never _would_ lose Angel. He would always be watching over me. And I would see him again in another world. So while I will never forget Angel Dumott Schunard I will be moving on with my life because that is what he would've wanted. His motto had always been 'today for you, tomorrow for me.' Because he was always giving to others. Now he will be rewarded for his kindness at last. The day will finally be for him and not us. Tomorrow is finally here. 

"With those final words I release my pain and I set Angel free. Thank you."

The response was tremendous. Lily received a standing ovation. Everyone was teary eyed. Lily simply walked off, crying. She stole a glance at Collins. He was crying too, but with a smile.

*******************************

Lily did not weep as they put the casket in the cemetery behind the church. She had no tears left. People started leaving. Mimi and Roger (who had broken up) left in a fight. Mark had a job interview. Lily stood alone by the grave and read its words.__

_In loving memory of Angel Dumott Schunard_

_1979-1997_

_No Day but Today._

"Lily," Juliet called, "it's a long walk back to the car. You wanna get started?"

"No, babe, you go. I'll catch up. I need a few more minutes."

She nodded compassionately and walked away. When she was gone Collins came up and stood beside her.

"Would you like me to go?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Your speech was…" He searched for words, but gave up. "God…"

"I'm sorry if I-" she started, but he cut her off.

"It would've made Angel proud."

She needed to hear that.

"I just did it to help let go," she said. "But I will miss him."

He nodded heavily.

"You know, after you left he told me that he felt good enough to let go because he'd seen you. He said you and I were the two most important people in his life."

She looked at him disbelievingly.

"I never thought he'd die," she sobbed after a moment. "I mean…he couldn't die. He's Angel damn it! Angel was never gonna die!"

He placed a strong hand on her shoulder.

"Even angels fall, baby," he whispered. "I think it'll take us both a long time to truly understand that." 

She nodded slowly.

"Well, I should go."

"Yeah, maybe."

And then, on impulse she murmured.

"Hold me."

He did. And the bond was sealed. Into his ear, she said:

"Thank you for bringing happiness into his life."

"He brought meaning into mine."

He set her down and, like a woman in a dream, she walked away. When she reached the top of the hill, she turned and looked back at him.

That would remain frozen in the philosopher's memory forever. The image of a beautiful young woman in a long black dress standing underneath a cloudy sky, her red braid floating in the wind, black makeup and tears cutting runnels down her cheeks. As beautiful as an angel.

A fallen angel.

                                          The Very, Very End

**_Well…I guess that's it. My very first fanfic ever is finished. I'd just like to say thank you to my reviewers for giving me such happiness, really you guys are awesome. Also, thank you to my new friends Daydreamer, Maureen the Drama Queen, Angel of the First Degree and AngelRentFan1. I love you all._**

**_This is dedicated to Wilson Jermaine Heredia with obsessive love and pathetic devotion._**


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